Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Looks like I just scored another white people point!

Stuff White People Like finally updated with a new post, Where the Wild Things Are, furthering the evidence that I am the ultimate white person. (Please read my Love in the Time of Cholera post for your proof.)

From #127 Where the Wild Things Are:
"It is a guarantee that whenever it is announced that a popular book is being turned into a movie, white people will get upset. This is partly due to their fear that something they love will be made accessible to more people and thus enjoyed by more people which immediately decreases the amount of joy a white person can feel towards the original property. Yes, it’s complicated.

The other problem is that these announcements create a ticking time bomb where by a white person must read the book in ADVANCE of the release of the movie. This is done partly so that they can engage in the popular activity of complaining about how the movie failed to capture the essence of the book. But more importantly, once a book has been made into a movie, a white person can no longer read that book. To have read the book after the movie is one of the great crimes in white culture, and under no circumstances should you ever admit to doing this. Literally dozens of white friendships have imploded when it was revealed that someone read Fight Club after 1999."
Another point they should have mentioned: Under no circumstances should you buy the edition of the book with the movie cover. This automatically results in scorn from other white people, who will assume you are committing the great crime of reading the book after you've seen the movie. The only time this is acceptable is when you are me, and you buy the copy of Atonement with James McAvoy on the cover, because James McAvoy is hot. The white people points I lose by this admission are immediately balanced out by the fact that I recently have vowed to learn Spanish and always answer "poquito" when asked if I hablo Espanol (see #115 Promising to Learn a New Language for details).

You'll find more evidence about my high score in white people points here. But do I lose white people points for liking Miracle Whip and Kool-Aid?


  1. I don't think you lose any points for liking miracle whip and kool-aid, but you would definitely gain some by substituting them with chipotle mayo and vitamin water. Also, is this blog turning into a 'guys Alison thinks are hot' countdown? On that note,I think it is pretty clear that James McAvoy falls squarely into your Clive Owen category of perfectly normal looking guys that have accents and fame and magically become sex symbols and objects of your affection.

  2. Kool-aid rocks. What other liquid can compete at a dime a gallon?

  3. Jay, I cannot believe you brought our Clive Owen argument to my blog. How dare you. This is supposed to be a friendly environment.

    And I'm pretty sure I hadn't mentioned a hot guy in umm, at least three posts. Just be glad I didn't say 'yum' this time.

  4. I totally fail as a white person. I recently bought The Reader and Revolutionary Road, both with Kate Winslet on the cover.

    Also, I thought James McAvoy was cute in Narnia, and any man's hotness that can come through a centaur/whatever the heck mythical creature he was is some serious hotness.

  5. Maybe we can balance out our white people points here, Stephanie. I'll admit that I saw Revolutionary Road without reading the book (gasp). So we're even.

    And my thoughts exactly on James McAvoy. He was even cute as Mr. Tumnus.