Patricia and Me: Still in the Honeymoon Stage

Today was the perfect day for me to brave the Chicago streets and take Patricia for a spin. 70 degrees and sunny on a Saturday, which means Logan Square is bustling with young hipsters, families, and me, awkwardly navigating my Schwinn Breeze and trying not to hit a car. Or a stroller. Or a pedestrian.

The 8-year-old version of myself would scoff at my bike riding skills. Jay and I used to cruise up and down the hills of Mill Road for hours in the summer, no helmets, neighbor dogs tearing after us, and I really don’t recall ever getting off my bike to find my leg muscles twitching. In my defense, Patricia’s front tire is a little flat. And I don’t exercise. Wait, I take that back: in the last two months, I think I did my Self “Bikini Ready Fast” workout twice. Each time, my entire body hurt for the rest of the week. That counts, right?

But anyway. Patricia and I had a nice little ride today. I think I’ll take her back out tomorrow, at least to air her up a bit. In the meantime, I need to figure out how to look less like a geek in my helmet. Any and all hipster credibility I get from Patricia’s sexiness is completely ruined by the terrified look I have on my face every time I hit an intersection. It's something like this:


(Yeah, I just took a picture of myself, wearing my bike helmet, while sitting at my kitchen table. You needed to see it to fully understand.)

My confidence was starting to grow mid-bike ride. Then I spotted an attractive guy coming my direction. Riding a red Schwinn. A RED SCHWINN! He smiled at me, I smiled back, and promptly lost control of Patricia and narrowly missed a parked car.

I avoided eye contact with my fellow cyclists after that incident.

I’m considering riding Patricia to work tomorrow morning. It’ll be a big step in our relationship. Just have to work up the courage first…