Friday, July 10, 2009

Writer's Block

Maybe you’re thinking, I wonder what Al’s up to today? I’m sure you were. What else could you possibly be thinking about on a Friday afternoon?

Here’s your answer.

I have been staring at a Word document for two and a half hours, typing and retyping a paragraph. Every now and again I take a break to finish some exciting fact checking changes. But now I’ve finished all of my fact checking assignments and have nothing to do, except write this article. All I need to do is write 600 damn words about the top three cities for job hunting and relocating, based on some Forbes’ study. (In case you’re dying to know, those three cities are apparently Madison, D.C., and Boston. Not Chicago? Go figure!)

This article is killing me. I’ve had the assignment for two weeks. I was thrilled to get an actual writing assignment at my internship. So what do I do? I put it off until the last minute—it’s due on Monday—and then I completely lose the ability to write a complete sentence. Kind of sad and ironic that I’m still somehow able to write this blog post, huh.

Writer’s block is like a hangover that you still can’t shake by dinner time, even though you’ve tried drinking a giant bloody mary, taking a nap, and eating greasy food. Writer’s block is like when I found out Amber Hibbert was the valedictorian, and I had to accept 2nd place in our silent academic battle that had started in 4th grade. Writer’s block is like finding out the guy I like is a Republican. Basically it’s everything that is evil in life. Or, it’s a really sweet album by PB and J.

My inability to write was making me so crazy that I walked to Jewel in the rain and left with a one pound bag of strawberry Twizzlers. Now all I have is a stomach ache, wet feet, and a blank Word document.

I have two hours left to write this. Then I have to leave here, don an apron, and try not to spill beer all over myself. Wish me luck in both endeavors.


  1. I enjoy the hangover comparison, it's true. Additionally, I've always thought writer's block is like when you wake up in the middle of the night and your arm is asleep, I mean like no-feeling, it might not even still be there asleep, and you try everything possible to move your fingers but can't. You know eventually it'll come back, but you don't know when, and it's frustrating as hell.

  2. The writer's block I'm dealing with right now is like when you wake up in the middle of the night and BOTH of your arms are asleep like that.

    *bangs head on keyboard

  3. "Writer’s block is like a hangover that you still can’t shake by dinner time"

    See? I knew you understood how I was feeling yesterday! Often the universe of the writer is compressed to a singularity around one's lassitude much like how I had the goddamned shakes all throughout the three whole bites I took of lunch.

    In conclusion, I-slash-you should have had a vitamin water.