Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Oh, Bitch Magazine. Why must you hurt me so?

If you ever been to a bookstore with me, you've probably watched me scrounge around, looking for the newest copy of Bitch magazine. You've also probably watched me throw a hissy fit when Border's either A) doesn't have the newest issue, or B) insists on hiding it in the back of the Gay and Lesbian section. I mean, that's fine, Border's, put it there instead of the Women's Interest section, FINE. But quit hiding it from me!

I love this magazine. It's my thing. I daydream about seeing my byline in there, and in typical Alison fashion, just keep daydreaming and don't actually submit anything.

So you get it. I love Bitch. Now why must the Bitch bloggers hurt me so? I couldn't even believe I was reading this post today.

1. What in HELL compelled you, as "feminist blog readers," to want to follow the hype surrounding Jennifer's Body? What about this says feminist movie to you: Megan Fox strutting around, being a bad actress, eating high school boys and making comments like "I go both ways," in a preview that leaves a lot of bros with boners gleeful that she might make out with another girl.

Hmm. Boy-eating demons, new wave of feminism!

2. My journalism professor is shuddering at the fact that you called this post and video a review. That is all.

3. Stop watching Megan Fox movies. Stop writing about them. Stop making videos with poor audio about them. Just stop it. I'm depressed I just had to use Megan Fox's name on my own blog.

I think I'm going to have to watch the entire first season of "It's Always Sunny" to snap me out of this bad mood. 


  1. Megan Fox is so hot. I really can't wait for that lesbo kiss the trailer teases at.

    Kidding! : )

  2. Seriously, though, Jennifer's Body is just about the worst piece of pop culture I can think of right now. It's exploitative, both of female sexuality and of the current mainstream viewer. One review I read said something to the tune of "girl-on-girl, disturbing violence, the occult, and razor-sharp wit--it has everything America wants!" What a sad (and depressingly large) demographic Diablo Cody is taking advantage of. Yuck.

  3. What I don't understand is how the woman responsible for Juno is also responsible for this atrocity. More importantly: what the eff were the Bitch bloggers thinking?

  4. Diablo Cody is an opportunist, plain and simple. She's smart & savvy and wants to produce things that sell. She became a stripper so that she'd have something interesting to write about, which scored her a job at Jane. Then she wrote a memoir in her early twenties (one guess as to what it was about.)

    Juno was a decent film, but it was so targeted: quirky indie kids loved it because it had Cera and Page and said things like "wizzard," and the rest of the world fell in line because that's what the rest of the world does. Word on the street is she's doing a Sweet Valley High remake next. Talk about a film with two different built-in fan bases.

    Sorry to rant, she just irritates me. She's talent, but is the very definition of a sellout: someone who writes what she thinks people want to read.

  5. So what you're telling me is, I need to start stripping.


    Do you think Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen will star as Jessica and Elizabeth in Cody's next groundbreaking film? (Yeah, I used to read Sweet Valley books when I was 12.)

  6. They (Bitch) were thinking: "Hmmmm how can we capitalize on this pseudo-celeb's popularity, put a spike in our circulation and keep the parent company happy so they'll advertise with us?" Cynical? Yes. Untrue? Only as untrue as the statement "Megan Fox is hot."


  7. Et tu, Bitch Magazine?


  8. As the web editor for Bitch, I can tell you that we were thinking that "Jennifer's Body" was written/directed by women, lots of our readers wanted to see it (and hear our thoughts on it), and we figured we'd do a quick "review" to let them know it didn't live up to our feminist standards. Sorry if the post didn't live up to yours, but I don't think that warrants your questioning of our feminism or abilities as bloggers.

    - Kelsey Wallace, Web Editor

    Bitch Media
    4930 NE 29th Avenue Portland, OR 97211

  9. @Kelsey: As I clarified at the beginning of my post, I am a huge fan and supporter of Bitch and contribute monthly to the magazine.

    Although I obviously, and in a snarky way, was critiquing this quick review of "Jennifer's Body," I certainly wasn't questioning your feminism or abilities as bloggers. Yes, I thought this one post was poor quality. But more so, I was disgusted and annoyed by the previews for this film and was shocked that other Bitch readers wanted to see it.

    I think you all are, overall, fantastic at what you do, which is why I link to Bitch on my blogroll and often write positively about Bitch, in addition to encouraging all of my friends to read the magazine.

    I'll continue to love Bitch even if I am now forever on your shit list.