Shameless Self-Promotion: I'm in Bitch Magazine!

Ok, guys, I can't hold out any longer. Obviously, you've already picked up your copies of this issue of Bitch, or better yet, had yours mailed to you, right?

If so, then you know why I was even happier than usual to open my mailbox and see it nestled inside.

BECAUSE I'M IN IT. That's right! I'M IN IT.

Flip open to page 22 and there you'll see it: my dream come true. My byline in my favorite magazine!

It's just a wee little article that's in The Bitch List section. But it's something! To add to my excitement over writing a piece—albeit teeny tiny—for Bitch, it was promoting what happens to be my friend and co-worker Krista's blog, Effing Dykes.

Not that she really needed promotion, cause her blog's awesomeness speaks for itself—it won Best LGBT Weblog in this year's Bloggies—but I was so excited to write about it. When I first discovered Effing Dykes, after Krista nonchalantly mentioned during a coffee break that she had a blog ("Oh, me too!" I squealed, completely clueless that I was talking to a famous blogger), I spent an entire Saturday afternoon gleefully reading the entirety of the blog's archive.

It's hilarious. And basically, Krista's awesomeness shines through in every post. If you're a lady who likes other ladies, and apparently you've been under a rock because you're reading this and not Effing Dykes, let me just say this to you:

 YOU'RE WELCOME.


In one of my favorite posts, which I referenced in my Bitch article, ahem, may I just say that when she's talking about all the "Brandi Carlile concert t-shirts" at the office, that would be regarding yours truly. Who knew I was so mysterious? Hee hee. Oh, wait. I'm not.

Last weekend, I stood in Barnes & Noble and grinned at the copies of Bitch. I may or may not have also been slightly caressing the copy at the top of the stack. Not creepy at all.

Why are you still here? Go pick up your copy of Bitch! Then go read Effing Dykes! NOW!

Correction, Boy Wonder!

Oh, YES. Thank you, Bitch magazine, for making my Sunday evening complete.

"Correction, boy wonder: It's my electronic BatGirl compact with a laser beam. Which will destroy ANYTHING!"



HA! Hell yeah, BatGirl!

Via Bitch.

Hit Em Up Style?

YES. Carolina Chocolate Drops, where have you been hiding?



Just in case you're now thinking, why does that sound so familiar? THIS is why. Ooops! Hee hee hee.



Never, ever did I think Blu Cantrell would make it on the Rainbow Chronicles. But I couldn't resist. Life's full of surprises.




Big surprise: my brother Jay tipped me off to this sweet ass trio. Shortly after, I found them on Bitch blogs. Name drop them next time you're out, and I promise you'll earn some hipster points.

You're welcome.

Oh, Bitch Magazine. Why must you hurt me so?

If you ever been to a bookstore with me, you've probably watched me scrounge around, looking for the newest copy of Bitch magazine. You've also probably watched me throw a hissy fit when Border's either A) doesn't have the newest issue, or B) insists on hiding it in the back of the Gay and Lesbian section. I mean, that's fine, Border's, put it there instead of the Women's Interest section, FINE. But quit hiding it from me!

I love this magazine. It's my thing. I daydream about seeing my byline in there, and in typical Alison fashion, just keep daydreaming and don't actually submit anything.

So you get it. I love Bitch. Now why must the Bitch bloggers hurt me so? I couldn't even believe I was reading this post today.

1. What in HELL compelled you, as "feminist blog readers," to want to follow the hype surrounding Jennifer's Body? What about this says feminist movie to you: Megan Fox strutting around, being a bad actress, eating high school boys and making comments like "I go both ways," in a preview that leaves a lot of bros with boners gleeful that she might make out with another girl.

Hmm. Boy-eating demons, new wave of feminism!

2. My journalism professor is shuddering at the fact that you called this post and video a review. That is all.

3. Stop watching Megan Fox movies. Stop writing about them. Stop making videos with poor audio about them. Just stop it. I'm depressed I just had to use Megan Fox's name on my own blog.

I think I'm going to have to watch the entire first season of "It's Always Sunny" to snap me out of this bad mood.