Plotting an Escape

Why am I so afraid sometimes? And why, when I'm most afraid, does my spirit seem to surge, rise up, and observe the whole planet from above? ...Tears of love? Do I really want to escape with her not just from this town and the heat but from what the future holds for us, from mediocrity and absurdity?...
I'm a nervous wreck. I feel like weeping and throwing punches...but my face remains unchanged. I scarcely move a muscle, though inside I'm falling apart.

—from The Third Reich: Part 1, by Roberto Bolaño, published in The Paris Review