Thursday, December 3, 2009

It’s the most wonderful time of the year! Or something.

It’s December, which means the Christmas decorations, commercials, and everything else bright and shiny that I think has something to do with baby Jesus, are finally technically appropriate. It’s Christmastime! Wheee!

I guess.

The last couple years, I’ve been a bit of a Grinch. I’ve been pretty broke—okay, completely broke—which makes it difficult to do all the things I want to do for my family and friends (and fuck it, for me) at Christmas.

I had started a little tradition for myself back in Bloomington: After I do my Christmas shopping, I go home, put on Christmas Vacation and then Mariah Carey’s Christmas album, and start getting everything ready. Gift bags for my friends. Christmas cards (and Chrismakkuh cards, because not everyone celebrates Jesus and Santa and the Tooth Fairy!). Wrapping Dad and Jay’s presents.

It puts me in a great mood, even though Layla and Mufasa are trying to eat the wrapping paper, and even though I’m usually alone. And no, it’s not just because I brought home a fifth of Captain for my egg nog! It’s because I love Christmas! The season of giving! Hoorah!

But the season of giving becomes a little difficult when you can't really afford to give. It’s a bummer. You feel guilty doing even the little things, like buying that six pack of Christmas ale to give to your Dad when you go home for the holiday. You feel guilty when your friend gives you a kickass present, and you hand her a burned CD. (By ‘you’ I mean me, of course.)

So. Waah, waah, waah. I don’t have a lot of money. Boo hoo. This year I’ve decided to snap the fuck out of it and actually try to enjoy Christmas for what it really is. Know what I’m saying? Maybe you don’t, but Clark W. Griswold, Jr. certainly does!

And that is why, to really get into the Christmas spirit this season, starting today, the Rainbow Chronicles are going all out. I’ll be sharing the Christmas love, blog style, and by that I mean sharing with you, my faithful readers, all the great Christmas crap that I love so much!

There’s really only way to begin:

"It's not going in our yard, Russ. It's going in our living room."

It's only December 3. So many more Christmas vacation quotes to come! But I promise there are some other things I enjoy about Christmas. You'll see.


  1. Can we please get a thoughtful analysis concerning Juliette Lewis's line, "I hope no one drives by and sees me in my pajamas..."?

    Thank you.

  2. No. I've decided to focus my thesis instead on an in-depth analysis of the following exchange:

    "He worked really hard, Grandpa."

    "So do washing machines!"