La Confusion Exquise

see? it is all there.
pieces of it, if i could just see them.
but i can’t, so i feel them out,
my mother’s green blanket wrapped
around my shoulders like armor.

this is how i write best.
i hope you get that right now if you speak
it might be spanish and it might be english
but i don’t speak either because i am stuck

here in this in between of guessing
and almost knowing
but feeling it so exquisitely

like this movie (see?)
it’s better with the subtitles off
i might actually understand it more
like when you speak to your mother
and i get it but don’t know a word.
comme ça?
remember, j'ai étudié le français
(whoops)

i was supposed to habla español by this point
i had so many plans
i was supposed to go to the landmark alone
and watch that woody allen film
i was going to take the train
to do something, i forget
i was going to paint my lips red
and wear the right things
instead i wore that sweater i shrunk
to my new job with a pair of nikes
and pulled my hair in a braid

and then i came home
and it was just like this
it was just like this
it was nothing like that

oui, c'est tout