Breaking Up is Hard to Do

Dear Jameson,

Look, it’s just not working out between us. This has gone on way too long. It’s my fault. Really, it is. I’m willing to accept the blame. Every time I think I'm done with you, I come back again.

But the thing is, I have to stand up for myself. I just can’t do this anymore. It’s not worth it. Sure, you make me feel good about myself at first, but then you just leave me. And leave me feeling like shit. The headache is not worth it anymore. I think it’s best if we just accept this for what it was—a fling. You’re not offering me what I really need. I need someone that’s going to be there for me. Frankly, you just use me whenever it’s convenient for you.

I deserve better. Besides, you’re such a player. I see you, flirting with everyone else at the bar. I can’t compete with that. And I shouldn’t have to compete with that. You never even care that I'm sitting right there! I see what you're doing.

Enough is enough. We're over. I break up.

I'll always love you,
Ali

Poetry Slam Tuesdays: Aaaand, we're back!

Poetry Slam Tuesdays were going so well, and then I had to go slack off for the last two weeks. But don't worry, we're coming back with a bang. Today's featured poet is my favorite redhead, Miss Abby Hansen!

When I asked if she'd be interested in being a featured poet, I was a little worried she might respond with a big "HELL NO." Luckily Abby is a good sport, so she agreed. And I'm so glad she did!

She sent me a few possibilities, and although I liked all of them, I picked two for today's slam. The first one, "Fall Swiftly," is my favorite; the second, "Tuesday Poetry Slam," is, well ... I think you can figure that out on your own.

Read them after the jump! And make sure to check out Abby's blog for more. Thanks, Abbs, for letting me share!

The Rainbow Chronicles are 1!

A year ago today, a young Hoosier girl sat in her kitchen ... and created a Blogger account.

A lot has changed since that first post—and a lot hasn't. I've rambled about my awesomely awkward adventures in Chicago, ranted about magical moments waiting tables, and shared my love of Patrick Swayze to the world. Err, the followers of this blog.

And since it's my blog's birthday, I thought I'd share some of my favorite posts from the last year. Some of these got a lot of comments, some of them got zero. But these are the ones that I either giggled to myself as I wrote them, cringed as I hit "Publish Post" (but then was glad I did), or breathed a sigh of relief after writing.

Et voila, my favorite Rainbow Chronicle moments:

•Thursday, June 25, 2009: The New BK Blow Job! I Mean, Sandwich!
Because sometimes, sexism in advertising is just so ridiculous, it's funny.

•Monday, May 18, 2009: Countdown to Schwinn Breeze: 11 Days!
Best birthday present, ever. Now let’s just hope this summer, I’m brave enough to ride it more than 5 times in the city. Plus, this post has Pee Wee’s Big Adventure clips. And what’s better than that? In fact, here’s another post about Patricia!

•Thursday, July 2, 2009: The 4th of July Syndrome
One of my favorite pieces about my mom. When I reread it, I feel comforted and a little sad, all at once.

•Wednesday, July 15, 2009: More Magical Moments Waiting Tables
Because this really encapsulates the awkward hilarity that can happen while waiting tables.

•Thursday, July 30, 2009: Yet another example of why my pops is the SH*T
My father is the shit. I wrote about it.

•Monday, October 5, 2009: Mondays, Mums, and Mom
This post somehow sums up my frustrations with my job search, my restlessness to be doing something valuable with my life, my love for reading, and how much I miss my mom. Damn, that’s kinda too many topics for one little blog post. I feel a whole lot of feelings. 

Geez. I swear, I didn't just look at the July archive when selecting these. These really are my favorites.

So, what do you think? What were your favorite moments at the Rainbow Chronicles? Tell me about it!

I'd also like to give a shout out to my most faithful follower and commenter: my big brother Jay. You know how I said my dad is the shit? Well, oddly enough, my brother is too.

Now, I know all three of you who voted for Swazye Fest as part of the bday bash will be crying yourselves to sleep if I don't leave you with this:



Oh, Patrick! SWOON! (You're welcome.)

It's been a good year, I think. Please, stick around for another one. I promise you won't regret it.

Love,

Alison (AKA "alisoncomposes")

Best Idea Since Hamm's Beer!

How come none of the Hamm's in my family came up with this idea? Genius.



Counting down the days until Mad Men Season 4 premiere already...

Oh, and in case you're one of the two people reading this blog that is not a family member or friend of mine, I guess I should clarify, my last name isn't actually "composes" -- it is, in fact, Hamm.

Umm, hence the joke.

First Impressions.

It's been a week of first impressions.

Monday I started a new serving gig, which means the kitties and I will be able to continue to eat and have a roof over our heads. WHEW.

Then Tuesday I took my Broke Ass to the Tribune Tower to get my photo taken for the RedEye Broke Ass project. (Damn, that building is amazing.) Obviously this is all an effort to get my book deal/full-time editorial gig, but I felt a little guilty going in the day after my first training shift at the bar. (Not that guilty though.) The thing is, I've got enough perspective right now to appreciate this new serving gig for what it is—a JOB. That's more than many people have right now, so it would be ridiculous if I didn't value it. 

Today was my third shift at the bar. I was annoyed with myself the moment I woke up today, because I stayed out too late the night before, overslept, and felt (and looked) like crap. Not the best version of myself to go in to a new job. When am I going to learn? Not only am I the "new girl" in a still relatively foreign environment, I am the new girl who is a space cadet, and not a very friendly one at that, because I'm exhausted.

Uggh. I don't know what my fellow employees think of me at this point, but after the lunch shift was over and I took my break (I was working a double), I immediately went to Dunkin Donuts and gulped down a coffee. Hoorah for caffeine, because when I finally got to take tables during the dinner shift, I felt like a more accurate version of myself. (I smiled at people. Some of them smiled back.)

My first impressions of the new job are overall pretty positive, so I can only hope that I've made a halfway decent impression on all these co-workers and managers I've just acquired. If my last job taught me anything, it's that when I'm intimidated or nervous, it comes across to other people (ahem, like my managers) as me being snobby, conceited, or negative (insert other bad adjective here). And that blows. Because even though it shouldn't really matter, I still wish I could have somehow shown my previous boss that my "dirty looks" and "bad attitude" was really just me, intimidated, nervous, and sensitive as all hell. 

I want to make a good first impression this time. But I'm willing to make a good second (and third, or tenth) impression if that's what I have to do. I learned my lesson. If your boss doesn't like you—or thinks you don't like her, so in turn begins to loathe you—work can be pretty damn miserable. No thank you. I'm done with that portion of the Ali show.

It's a fresh start. And it's nervewracking and tough and wonderful.

It's Official: I'm a Famous Broke Ass.

Well, sorta. Mostly so far I'm just the dweeb in the back of the group photo, not looking at the camera. Check me out.

But hey, it's something! Although in retrospect, probably should have run a comb through my hair after getting off the train and walking several blocks in the snow. Ahh well. Maybe looking frazzled gives me more Broke Ass cred.

Please check out the RedEye's Broke Ass Blog. Then tweet it, Facebook it, MySpace it, FaceSpace it, MyBook it, whatever you need to do. Maybe even get crazy and tell another human about it in a real conversation. The more people who see this, the more chances I have of ruling the world.

Err, getting a writing gig.

Love,
Broke Ass Alison

Dear Aziz Ansari, I LOVE You.

If for some reason you're not already, do yourself a favor and fall in love with him too. Aziz Ansari is my favorite comedian right now, and quite possibly my favorite person, EVER.

Why? WHY? This is why:



Just wait till you hear him talk about Kanye and R Kelly in his standup "Intimate Moments for a Sensual Evening." If I keep watching it my neighbors are probably going to file a noise complaint for my hysterical giggling.

And then there's Aziz on Parks and Recreation:





In fact, I would have thrown my television out the window after seeing that fucking "Dear John" preview for the 5,000th fucking time in 30 minutes if I wasn't watching Aziz Ansari clips right now. I'm just saying. That preview makes my insides hurt. I'm upset I even linked to it just now.

I mean, there's no need to follow the link. Just turn on your TV. Wait 5 minutes.

AHHHHHHHH!

Thank you Aziz, for saving my television. Although I think my boyfriend is getting a little tired of me mimicking the R Kelly bit. Because about every 20 minutes, I start belting out this:

"They said, Robert! They said, Roooobert! You've only been doing your show for 20 minutes and it's already getting too freeeeaky tonight!

Do you wanna know what I told em? I said LA do you wanna know what I told em? I said LA do you wanna know what I told em?

I said, I'm a GROWN! ASS! MAN!"

Ha! LOVE. HIM.